Shadow

All my kids are sick. It's nothing serious, just more annoying really. They just have little colds. It's enough that I am keeping them all home, but not enough that it keeps them from rough housing (rough trailering?) Elijah was the first one to get it first showing symptoms on Thursday. Next was Kent, and then Rachel. One thing about living in such a tiny space with active children, is we have to make a point to get out of the house everyday. Sometimes more than once a day. We have to find a way to get out and get their energy out in a constructive way, otherwise in comes out in destructive ways, for example, on Friday morning, what I thought was the boys playing nicely in their room together ended up with every inch of Kent's skin that was visible covered in marker. 

He was being Shadow from Sonic, and was pretty darn proud of himself. Elijah also had various colors of marker on him (he claims Kent colored on him) but not nearly as bad or as black. 

That being said, it's been a LONG few days for this mama. 

Physical exertion is also a necessity for me. I've been having a lot of deep depression lately and it's been a struggle trying to I figure out all the best ways to handle it, but last week we all started waking up early and going to the local running track and running a mile. It has done WONDERS for my depression and has become something I depend on. Well, with all the kids sick, and our tiny space and my kids being who they are, I have also been unable to go out and run which and thrown me into "the depths of despair." Friday was so hard, and Saturday was harder. Thankfully my sweet husband was able to be home Saturday and he stepped up and went above and beyond because I wasn't capable of being mom for the day. 

Thankfully, later in the day I was able to drege up enough fight to do the things I have learned that help. I got out of bed, took my vitamins, ate something healthy, drank a bunch of water and left everyone home and went for a run. Before I left, I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face. While I ran, the tears turned to sweat and I was able to work through some of my issues. A hot shower later and I was finally able to reach out and actually talk to my husband. 

This month the depression has been so hard and so heavy. It hasn't been this bad for years! But inspite of the hard things, I've also learned a lot as is always the way with our trials, because if you don't learn, what is the point?

Often times when I'm struggling with depression, my patience goes way down, and my poor kids require A LOT of patience! Especially my boys. My lack of patience comes out as ugly. And I feel ugly inside when I act that way which then makes me disappointed in myself for acting that way which makes me less likely to be patient because I'm in this downward spiral that is really hard to get out of. 

One morning, I was laying in bed and wondering, "How did Jesus do it? How did he put up with imperfect people with such patience when he was going through something really really hard." I pictured Him during the atonement when all he wanted was some support. He wasn't asking anything hard from his disciples, he just wanted them to stay awake while he was suffering. While he was doing this huge thing for them. And they didn't do it. He didn't tell or get angry. He accepted their humanness and let them sleep and I thought to myself again, "How did he do it?" And the answer came to me, it was love. Because of His pure love, he was able to find it in him to be able to be kind. To forgive those who persecuted and whipped and betrayed him. He was able to teach them when he was hurting, and reach beyond himself.

 

This may seem like a small thing, but to me it felt big. My depression didn't go away, and I wasn't suddenly filled with patience for my children, but it gave me a new perspective, and it gave me something to focus on when my kids are constantly challenging and pushing and testing my patience. Focus on how much I love them and how important they are. 

The things I'm learning from my trials are so important to me and close to my heart and I have been feeling the push to share it with others, so there will be many posts like this in hopes that even one thing I've learned can help left someone else.